no....not the mens club,but now wished i had!
Here's the deal...checked out of here last night and decided to walk over to a local watering hole..was already 3 sheets to the wind and looking for more..drank a couple jager shots and about 5 more beers..getting close to the 2 am shutdown...girl walks up to pay her tab at the bar and I just say.."darlin' it looks like neither one of us is going to do any better tonight ,so we might as well leave together"...I have used this line many times in my years and it has about a 60% hit rate...she laughs and bites! We go back to her house and I am totally hammered and she has more for us to drink..
Last I remember was about 3:30 or so and I am bragging about my eating cooter skills,so she allows me to show her...she has huge coot lips and I have to say I enjoyed it...she then obliged me with a return "favor" and passes out...I then wonder how I am going to get home as I am the type that likes to hit and run..if she was at my house I would want her to leave,and I wanted to leave her house also..she is passed out and I go into the kitchen make me a sandwich and then lay on the couch to watch TV..I also finally pass out...
About 6:00 am or so I awake to a rumbling in my stomach,that is really painful and and I realize that I am about to blow big time,so I waddle to the shitter and proceed to let out the most putrid and painful shits I ever taken in my life..you know the type where you feel hot all over..I am in there for a good 30 minutes and the pain is unbearable and I could not figure out why it was so painful..I finish the best I could and realize I need to get home, so I go to wake her up,to take me home...well first thing she does is go into the bathroom and I already know that it stinks to high heaven,but all I cared about was getting home..she comes out of bathroom looking like she was just about to die and proceeds to ask me what the hell was going on and what did I eat...I am so embarrassed and ask what she meant and she takes me in the bathroom and shows me...the bowl is lined with red strings...HELLO!
I had forgotten to take the strings off the bologna when I made the sandwich and they did not go all the way down when I flushed...that was the reason for the pain when I was shitting...I had the red strings coming out of my butthole....needless to say the ride home was quiet... I had her drop me off at a house in my vicinity and I acted like I was going in and waited till she left and then walked the rest of the way home...now I don't know if I can ever go back to my within "walking distance" drinkin' hole?Do you think I will see her again?
must get some sleep.....
